JOKES

English:

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A little boy falls into the mud
Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

Here I sit in misty vapour in a shithouse with no paper
I have no time to sit and linger watch out asshole here comes finger.

What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

Q. Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
 A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q. Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?
A. Because its finger licking good!

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

Q. What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face.



A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".




One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"





The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on." The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers." He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!" The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!" He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!" "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."





How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.




There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.





A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."





There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.





This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window... He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer." Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"





This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".




A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"



A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"



A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do
was...oh, do I miss him!"



On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".





She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"



John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, Once a year To John's dismay, he responds, Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?The grinning guy responds, "Tonightï the night!"



Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"



One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."





The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."



A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.



With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, youre trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house door off a tuna boat!"



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Bangla:

Jara dure chole jete chae,tader amra kache tene dhori,
jara niche toleye jay,tader upore dhore rakhi.
Shomajer ku drishti hote tader arale rakhi.
Amra BRA toiri kori


Banglar special shobthartho nirnoy-

1.Chumki=chudibar humki.
2.Gamvirjo=gamla vora birjo
3.Vodrota=vodar vitor adrota
4.Choshma=chushe mami hashe mama.
5.Shashuri=sawar moddhe sursuri
6.Bogura=bouer gude bara
7.Magura=magir gude bara
8.Ponkoj=putkite maira nikhoj.
9.Kamal=kam korar age pore mal
10.Chomotkar=chude mude ekakar
11.Chador=chudar pore ador
12.Falguni=fake boshe bal guni.




When James Bond came to Bangladesh James Bond is a stylish hero you know. Whenever people ask him of his name, he answers in his own branded style - "Bond, James Bond". Last year Bond came to Bangladesh for a quick visit.
In Noakhali Swimming Complex, he met Pasha.

Pasha asked: Hey, what's you name?
James Bond replied: Bond James Bond.
Then Bond asked Pasha the same: And what's yours?
Pasha replied: Pasha Choudhury
Pasha Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury
Pasha Abul Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha.

From that day on, whenever people ask Bond of his name, he simply replies James Bond.






Ek Hojur Biya korbo... but uni virgin meya khujtachey biya korar jonno. to virgin meya to ghotok dia khujley paoa jabey na, tai uni nijeyi meya daktey gachen. To meyar Ma, Babar shatey kotha barta boley Hojur bollo ami meytar shatey eka eka kichu khon kotha boltey chai. To meyar Baap Ma ar kharap kichu vhabey nai.. Meya ka eka rakhey room thakey ber hoa gachey. To shalar hojur ai fak a korlo ki nijer lungi ta uporey uthaia meya ka jiggesh korey ai ta ki? Meyta dakhey boley aita hochey gia "Dhon". To Hojur bujlo ai meya ta agey dhon dakchey tar maney aita .......... Tar maney aita virgin na. To arek tarey dekh tey gelo. Haidarey ai rokom lungi ultaia jiggai aita ki? Tokhon miya dakhey boley aita hochey "Manik". Hojur buija fello aitao virgin na. So sha 3 number meya daktey gelo. So shobai jokhon choley gachey tokhon oye meya keo aki vhabey lungi uthia jiggesh korlo aita ki? Tokhon meya ta vhalo vhabey dakhey shuney bollo aita hochey "NUNU". Hojur tokhon money korlo aita money hoi pola pian er ta dakhcey tai or ta ka "NUNU" boley. To Hojur sure hoilo ai meya ta virgin. tarpor ai ta ka biya korlo.

Bashor raat a ..... sherey tokhon or Bou ka jiggesh korlo. "Acha Bou Bou tumi amar oita dakhey oy din nunu bolla keno?" Tokhon or bou ta bollo tumar ta to Nunoi karon ==> eto toku, ar amar cousin tar ta hochey dhon eto =====> boro




Ekdin ek boro shoro mota lok markete giyechen. Tar cycle ta baire raikha lok te dokaner vitore gelen baazar korte. Dosh minute pore lok ta dokan theke baire aashlen. chari dike guira dekhen je taar cycle ta nei. keu unar cycle ta churi kore felechen. tokhon uni chete giye ekta boro crowd jome felechen. boro crowder shamne uni jore jore bolen "Je amar cycle churi korche, tara tari amar cycle de, or naile goto bar amar cycle churi korar pore ami ja korchilam, ekhon ami tai kormu." pura crowd got scared abong ek lok pichon theke aisha cycle ta firod diya gelen. tokhon boro shoro lok ta satisfied hoya cycle loiya choila jaite loichilo. thik tokhon ek lok crowd theke bollen "ei je bhai, gotobar jokhon aponar cycle churi korchilo, aponi ki korchen?" tokhon boro shoro lok ta bollen "Ji bhai, gotobar jokhon amar cycle churi korchilo, ami haitta bari gechilam."




An Insect Falls Into A Mug of Beer

American: Throws his mug away and walks out.

Englishman: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.

Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away.

Bengali: Sells the beer to the Bengali and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.